Creating Vision from Heartbreak by Amber Kuileimailani Bonnici

Eagle Vision

Eagle Vision

For years I didn’t have time for a vision.
I was surviving.

A couple years ago I bought Animal Medicine Cards. I liked the idea of seeking deeper meaning and having a focus for my day. You pick a card blindly and each animal has “medicine” you can learn from.

I was a mouse.

Mice are about detail and scrutiny. Mouse people appear to be nit-pickers. They pay attention to what is right in front of their nose. They do that and then move to the next thing, and then the next. They are the doers.

As a mouse I was all about survival and doing what needed to get done: cleaning my home, changing my kids diapers, making dinners, doing the laundry, making beds. Each day I would start all over again. My head was down. These things seemed important, only they weren’t. They were important as a mouse but anyone with vision could see they were only survival focused.  

And then I became an eagle.

Eagles are visionaries. They have this awesome sight that allows them to soar about and see the great expanse and possibilities, and still be able to zoom in and see a rodent scurrying below. Eagle vision is all about seeing the big picture. It is about seeing how we are all interconnected, how our choices help shape the lives of others. It is about staying open to possibilities and not getting sucked into the mire of doing.

What if vision comes from heart break?

Sometime we are shaken to our core and our hearts are mashed up. My heart mashing moments: ~ The death of my mom when I was 13 ~ Being sexually abused ~ The miscarriage of my first baby ~ Completely losing myself when I became a mom.

As I started healing myself, I found others who were going through the same heart ache. Instead of saying, “I’m sorry,” I shared my own experience, how I moved through my pain. And I saw it… the big vision –

What if I am here to give a hand and help those who are currently going through my past pain?

What if my pain has some WAY BIGGER meaning than my own personal growth?

I started seeing moms of young children everywhere… moms who were just surviving, overwhelmed, moms who had lost themselves to motherhood. They were tired, worn out and I remember being them. So I started helping, offering tips and advice, voicing the unspeakable so they knew they weren’t alone. They knew someone else understood and that they could move through it.

What would it be like to LIVE the great vision of YOU?

Visionary Mom and Kids

Visionary Mom and Kids

Vision is about looking ahead. It is about looking at our world and seeing something else, seeing something bigger than you. Visions are about expansion. They are about living our greatness, about effecting change and inspiring others. My vision? I believe each mom can live her vision and dreams, find her own happiness and inspire her kids to do the same. That is part of the reason I decided to launch The Radiant Mama – and if you are Mama who has lost herself – come join us.

What’s Your Vision?
Here are 3 steps to finding out.

1) Love yourself up Sometimes we can’t even think about affecting the lives of others. We are in survival mode. We may be giving so much, we can’t look up and give to anyone else. Sucked dry. You want to help others but you’re just dog tired. Time to tank up.

Here are some Tank filling activities: ~ Meditation ~ Nature walks ~ Intentional Painting ~ Journaling ~ Turning off all electronics for a day (yeah, really)

2) Looking at past Heart Ache through a new lens What are the most difficult and traumatic things that have happened to you? What did you learn from that? How could you give this knowledge to people going through the same experience? Write, write, write it all down. Start to see the amazing HELP you can be to others from the gift of your own experience.

3) What’s next? Anything tugging at your heart? Make your heart race with fear and excitement? That’s probably it. Go there. What is the great vision of you that wants to be expressed?

I’d love to hear your vision. Comment below if you want to be witnessed in your vision…

I am listening…


Amber Kuileimailani Bonnici

Amber Kuileimailani Bonnici

Amber Kuileimailani Bonnici is an award winning artist, writer, dancer, healer and coach. Her current project is as host of the telesummit The Radiant Mama featuring  global experts and leaders to help mothers find their true purpose, ignite their passion and live their dreams. She offers art, writing, movement, education and support, in order to bring healing, empowerment and inspiration. She currently lives on the Big Island of Hawai’i with her husband and two boys.



LINKS to share!

Animal Medicine Cards
The Radiant Mama
Intentional Painting with Shiloh Sophia and the Cosmic Cowgirls

Re-Engaging with Passion by Annette Wagner

Queen of My Heart

Queen of My Heart by Annette Wagner

In the not-so-distant past, I saw the passionate side of me as something that got me into trouble. My zest, passion, and enthusiasm for life is one of my core strengths – it is an essential piece of my being. And yet, I haven’t always embraced it in my life.

Why? You may ask…

Well, this swirling, dancing woman who lives in my heart has wanted to come out and be fully part of my life for years but I couldn’t let her because, you see, it wasn’t safe. 

The messages I received as a child about being a “good” girl made my dancing woman-self into the “bad” side of me. Whenever I got excited and passionate, I was immediately shut down as being too loud, too intense, too much. Little girls were never allowed to be loud or excited or rambunctious. There never seemed to be a space for me to be me so I decided the passionate part of me was wrong somehow.

I hid essential parts of myself in order to feel safe and fit in.


Passion by Annette Wagner

It took a long time to realize my enthusiasm and excitement scared the hell out of people – sadly it was almost always the men in my life. It wasn’t helped by the fact that I chose partners who couldn’t handle what I had to offer. This pattern of choosing men who are scared of my passion is a pattern that grew out of the childhood message – being passionate is NOT ok. My father repeatedly made this clear.

So I closed the door on the dancing woman in my heart and hid my passionate, fiery self and only let her out on rare occasions. Instead I learned to draw on the fire inside to help me to survive in the male and ego dominated world I worked in. I used my fire to push and drive and organize and GET THINGS DONE. I let this driving energy become the central way I interacted with the world.

This way of interacting with the world became a form of protection and a way to use my energy that was acceptable for a woman, though only barely. If I inadvertently got too excited or intense in a meeting, I was still told to “tone it down”. Perhaps a message you have received in your life?

Today, the dancing, passionate woman inside of me is alive and present and becoming more and more visible every day.

Some years ago I took a left turn and walked away from the technology world I had lived in. Reaching a place in my life where I felt my creativity dying, I made a decision to leave and pursue my heart’s desire – to live and work as an artist. Little did I know that taking this left turn would open the door to my heart and let someone else out to dance her dance of passion!

After several years of twists and turns, my life is very different. I fully engage my heart and spirit in my art and teaching.  And I love it – she is my pink rhinestone, sexy self who creates amazing paintings in her pajamas!

However, her regular appearance on the scene is forcing a radical change in my relationship with all that driving energy. In this creative, spiritual world I live and work in now, getting things done is not central. It is no longer my default modus operandi and my driving side doesn’t quite know what to do with that.

When we learn to lead from the heart, our path is often an easier flow rather than a forceful push to get where we are going

Tapping into my driving energy without conscious awareness can interfere and derail my work. It can result in jumping too fast into the practical side of things before ideas and process have been allowed to manifest all the way. I learned the lesson early that allowing my head to engage when I am painting from my heart turns into a frustrating disaster.

Woman Transforming Sword

Woman Transforming Sword by Annette Wagner

My painting, Woman Transforming Sword, is wonderful example. It is one of my early paintings and when I began to paint her I had a vision of what to paint, but let my mind distract me with questions of how to make something look like its transforming. I even checked books out of the library on technique. It took me several days to realize my mind had taken over and that what I needed to do was step away from the canvas and reengage from my heart. I chucked the first canvas into the far reaches of my studio and went out and bought an new one. This time I stayed in my heart and the vision painted itself on my canvas.

 Allowing something to fully manifest is key to bringing creations into resonance and clarity. It is very important to stay with my Muse until the process of manifestation is complete. This requires trust and patience and is damn hard to do sometimes.

 Trusting in Spirit to guide me is something my practical driving side cannot comprehend yet it is crucial to allowing my heart to lead and my work to manifest. My practical side gets frustrated and wants to scream at the world.

What do I do? Retrain myself. It’s a bit like a cross between a spiritual practice and dealing with a 3 year old having a temper tantrum. Conscious awareness meet screaming frustration. So what am I actually doing?

Well, sometimes you have to reweave these patterns by taking one step to the side, so to speak.

One of my steps to the side is to keep my pendulum with me so I remember to stop and ask: do I need to be doing this right now? Pendulum have been with humanity for centuries. A simple stone on a chain or string that can swing freely in any direction is the most common form. People use them to ask simple yes/no questions. It is similar to how dousers work to find water.

The other day I was going through email attempting to clear things out and got distracted by a sales notice from a clothing site. The next thing I knew my practical brain had reminded me I had a trip coming up and before I knew it I was loading up my shopping cart. Before I hit the Buy button, I stopped and asked my pendulum. Can I, may I, should I buy these items? A resounding no was my response. I took a deep breath and closed the computer and walked away.

A key act is to step back and ask 

The pause gives me time to recognize if I have engaged my driving side. Sometimes, it’s ok that I have done so because sometimes things do need to get done. If that is the case, then I step back into the driving energy with conscious awareness.

Sometimes it is not ok that I’ve engaged my driving energy and I need walk away entirely from what I am spending my time on. This is much harder to do and is crazy-making. The reward is that each time I do this, I get noticeably better at recognizing whether I have engaged the driving energy. I don’t like making myself crazy or frustrated so consequently am highly motivated to move away from behaviors that induce those states!

I have a few questions for you – just notice what comes up when you ask them of yourself or perhaps write a few of your answers in a journal.

 How do you engage with your passion in your life?

Do you have a driving side?

Is there a pattern like this that you want to change in your life?

What came up for you?

~ Annette Wagner

As you can see, I am very passionate about this work and about sharing it with others. If my work and words provoke you – consider joining me in person, for this upcoming August workshop on Pattern Walking.


Annette Wagner is a visionary artist and spirit guide who walks the patterns of connection with you to bring you into a closer connection to source. Her work is devoted to sharing the tools of Pattern Walking, Visioning, and Intentional Creativity to help you live the life your spirit is calling you to live!

Her paintings are portals into visionary realms asking the viewer to shift the way they connect to this world. She paints in the Contemporary Symbolism style and works extensively with symbol and color.

Annette is a certified instructor of the Color of Woman Method developed by Shiloh Sophia McCloud. She has a Masters degree in Women’s Spirituality with a certificate in Creative Expression from Sofia University. Her background includes over 25 years of hi-tech experience including 21 patents.

She invites you to visit her at:

Pattern Walking with Annette WagnerPattern Walking Plan

Saturday August 24, 2013  1pm to 5pm
Cost: $125
Mountain View Studio


What happen when you bring disparate threads of your life into closer connection?
Pull others further apart?

Do sparks of passion and inspiration fly?
Does it shift your whole perspective on life?

Change is scary for most of us, especially when you have to do it by yourself. I know this intimately from personal experience. I’ve learned that when I approach change with awareness, the process of transformation becomes a dance with the universe in which I participate – instead of being dragged along kicking and screaming. And, I don’t know about you, but I’m not big on the kicking and screaming part!

What is Pattern Walking? – Learn more here