As if furiously yanked and tugged by a thickly woven rope, heartache has quite often found me falling to my knees. There, I would proceed to collapse into a miserable and tear-soaked heap on the floor. I’d lie there, unconsciously accepting my fate among the broken-hearted, the grieving, the bewildered– believing that I had deserved whatever circumstances had shoved me, rightfully, into my place. I’d grovel, opening myself to blows that the universe was delivering and would cower away from looking the pain square in its eyes. I was ashamed that I had been reduced to slithering my way across the floor on my way to self-forgiveness and self-reflection.
Eventually, through a desperately needed shift in perspective, I began to see the time spent cramming my face into the floorboards and rugs of every room in my home as a much needed tool in re-grounding. Rather than cowering from my fear and shame, I began opening up to whatever uncomfortable and humbling lesson I needed to learn through the process. Without waiting for a major blow to my life, I decided to jump start my new found outlook and I moved myself off of the floor and outside to lie in the grass.
From there, instead of staring at carpet lint and finding my home among dust bunnies and my children’s discarded toys, I witnessed tulip bulbs triumphantly nudging their way through the winter’s cold soil in order to greet the sun. I marveled at the cool grass on my bare arms. I delighted in the new birth of green leaf buds on the sycamore branches overhead. I also discovered that my new-found vulnerability and open eyes helped to stop the clanking and banging gears in my internal hamster wheel and allowed my mind to just shut the hell up. But most importantly, I learned what it felt like to be grounded and rooted in strength while allowing necessary change to take place. Now, when life throws unexpected detour signs in my path, I simply venture outside, plant my weary self down on the ground. And breathe.
Dani is a writer, workshop facilitator and mother living in Sonoma County, CA. She loves Thai food and massages and embarking on international adventures. For more information, please visit www.daniburlison.com