Re-Engaging with Passion by Annette Wagner

Queen of My Heart

Queen of My Heart by Annette Wagner

In the not-so-distant past, I saw the passionate side of me as something that got me into trouble. My zest, passion, and enthusiasm for life is one of my core strengths – it is an essential piece of my being. And yet, I haven’t always embraced it in my life.

Why? You may ask…

Well, this swirling, dancing woman who lives in my heart has wanted to come out and be fully part of my life for years but I couldn’t let her because, you see, it wasn’t safe. 

The messages I received as a child about being a “good” girl made my dancing woman-self into the “bad” side of me. Whenever I got excited and passionate, I was immediately shut down as being too loud, too intense, too much. Little girls were never allowed to be loud or excited or rambunctious. There never seemed to be a space for me to be me so I decided the passionate part of me was wrong somehow.

I hid essential parts of myself in order to feel safe and fit in.

Passion

Passion by Annette Wagner

It took a long time to realize my enthusiasm and excitement scared the hell out of people – sadly it was almost always the men in my life. It wasn’t helped by the fact that I chose partners who couldn’t handle what I had to offer. This pattern of choosing men who are scared of my passion is a pattern that grew out of the childhood message – being passionate is NOT ok. My father repeatedly made this clear.

So I closed the door on the dancing woman in my heart and hid my passionate, fiery self and only let her out on rare occasions. Instead I learned to draw on the fire inside to help me to survive in the male and ego dominated world I worked in. I used my fire to push and drive and organize and GET THINGS DONE. I let this driving energy become the central way I interacted with the world.

This way of interacting with the world became a form of protection and a way to use my energy that was acceptable for a woman, though only barely. If I inadvertently got too excited or intense in a meeting, I was still told to “tone it down”. Perhaps a message you have received in your life?

Today, the dancing, passionate woman inside of me is alive and present and becoming more and more visible every day.

Some years ago I took a left turn and walked away from the technology world I had lived in. Reaching a place in my life where I felt my creativity dying, I made a decision to leave and pursue my heart’s desire – to live and work as an artist. Little did I know that taking this left turn would open the door to my heart and let someone else out to dance her dance of passion!

After several years of twists and turns, my life is very different. I fully engage my heart and spirit in my art and teaching.  And I love it – she is my pink rhinestone, sexy self who creates amazing paintings in her pajamas!

However, her regular appearance on the scene is forcing a radical change in my relationship with all that driving energy. In this creative, spiritual world I live and work in now, getting things done is not central. It is no longer my default modus operandi and my driving side doesn’t quite know what to do with that.

When we learn to lead from the heart, our path is often an easier flow rather than a forceful push to get where we are going

Tapping into my driving energy without conscious awareness can interfere and derail my work. It can result in jumping too fast into the practical side of things before ideas and process have been allowed to manifest all the way. I learned the lesson early that allowing my head to engage when I am painting from my heart turns into a frustrating disaster.

Woman Transforming Sword

Woman Transforming Sword by Annette Wagner

My painting, Woman Transforming Sword, is wonderful example. It is one of my early paintings and when I began to paint her I had a vision of what to paint, but let my mind distract me with questions of how to make something look like its transforming. I even checked books out of the library on technique. It took me several days to realize my mind had taken over and that what I needed to do was step away from the canvas and reengage from my heart. I chucked the first canvas into the far reaches of my studio and went out and bought an new one. This time I stayed in my heart and the vision painted itself on my canvas.

 Allowing something to fully manifest is key to bringing creations into resonance and clarity. It is very important to stay with my Muse until the process of manifestation is complete. This requires trust and patience and is damn hard to do sometimes.

 Trusting in Spirit to guide me is something my practical driving side cannot comprehend yet it is crucial to allowing my heart to lead and my work to manifest. My practical side gets frustrated and wants to scream at the world.

What do I do? Retrain myself. It’s a bit like a cross between a spiritual practice and dealing with a 3 year old having a temper tantrum. Conscious awareness meet screaming frustration. So what am I actually doing?

Well, sometimes you have to reweave these patterns by taking one step to the side, so to speak.

One of my steps to the side is to keep my pendulum with me so I remember to stop and ask: do I need to be doing this right now? Pendulum have been with humanity for centuries. A simple stone on a chain or string that can swing freely in any direction is the most common form. People use them to ask simple yes/no questions. It is similar to how dousers work to find water.

The other day I was going through email attempting to clear things out and got distracted by a sales notice from a clothing site. The next thing I knew my practical brain had reminded me I had a trip coming up and before I knew it I was loading up my shopping cart. Before I hit the Buy button, I stopped and asked my pendulum. Can I, may I, should I buy these items? A resounding no was my response. I took a deep breath and closed the computer and walked away.

A key act is to step back and ask 

The pause gives me time to recognize if I have engaged my driving side. Sometimes, it’s ok that I have done so because sometimes things do need to get done. If that is the case, then I step back into the driving energy with conscious awareness.

Sometimes it is not ok that I’ve engaged my driving energy and I need walk away entirely from what I am spending my time on. This is much harder to do and is crazy-making. The reward is that each time I do this, I get noticeably better at recognizing whether I have engaged the driving energy. I don’t like making myself crazy or frustrated so consequently am highly motivated to move away from behaviors that induce those states!

I have a few questions for you – just notice what comes up when you ask them of yourself or perhaps write a few of your answers in a journal.

 How do you engage with your passion in your life?

Do you have a driving side?

Is there a pattern like this that you want to change in your life?

What came up for you?

~ Annette Wagner

As you can see, I am very passionate about this work and about sharing it with others. If my work and words provoke you – consider joining me in person, for this upcoming August workshop on Pattern Walking.

Annette.Wagner.closeup

Annette Wagner is a visionary artist and spirit guide who walks the patterns of connection with you to bring you into a closer connection to source. Her work is devoted to sharing the tools of Pattern Walking, Visioning, and Intentional Creativity to help you live the life your spirit is calling you to live!

Her paintings are portals into visionary realms asking the viewer to shift the way they connect to this world. She paints in the Contemporary Symbolism style and works extensively with symbol and color.

Annette is a certified instructor of the Color of Woman Method developed by Shiloh Sophia McCloud. She has a Masters degree in Women’s Spirituality with a certificate in Creative Expression from Sofia University. Her background includes over 25 years of hi-tech experience including 21 patents.

She invites you to visit her at: www.annettewagnerart.com

Pattern Walking with Annette WagnerPattern Walking Plan

Saturday August 24, 2013  1pm to 5pm
Cost: $125
Mountain View Studio

REGISTER

What happen when you bring disparate threads of your life into closer connection?
Pull others further apart?

Do sparks of passion and inspiration fly?
Does it shift your whole perspective on life?

Change is scary for most of us, especially when you have to do it by yourself. I know this intimately from personal experience. I’ve learned that when I approach change with awareness, the process of transformation becomes a dance with the universe in which I participate – instead of being dragged along kicking and screaming. And, I don’t know about you, but I’m not big on the kicking and screaming part!

What is Pattern Walking? – Learn more here

"Living with Intention" A Conversation with Mary Anne Radmacher

And just before we get started…we Cowgirls invite YOU to Live Like You Mean It. Everyday…or as close to everyday as is womanly possible. No matter what. We honor the sovereignty of your heart, and your natural ability and right to live in service to your fondest dreams, wildest wishes, most profound aspirations. We gift you with that big, opalescent-pink permission slip to Live with Intention!

Read More

Share a slice of Revolutionary Pie?

Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine isn’t about a reaction, or a space for venting – though we may have some rants and chants for the injustices and absurdities running along side recipes for the best homemade pie recipes in the world or how to glitter your cowgirl boots.

Read More

A Legendary Life Is A Choice

A Legendary Life is a way of being…a choice…a decision…


Legendary women are women
who have chosen to be themselves.
We have chosen to explore, honor and celebrate
our wild and unique natures!
We know that it doesn’t do anybody no good to hide our light.
We dig deep into our souls,
mining the sparkling wisdom held there.
Then we share with other women how it works.
Together we make transformation possible.
We don’t believe what others (or even ourselves)
have said about us not being good enough.
We know we are Good. Smart. Fabulous.
And we claim that for ourselves right now!
We are the Shero in our own story,
always believing that we can do what we set our mind to do.
We are guided by our hearts, our hopes and the desire to
live our life, as a legend in our own time.
choosing a Legendary Life.

by Shiloh Sophia McCloud

What is it that transforms our life from ordinary to legendary?

Is it achieving your goals?
Being “all you can be”?
Reaching success?

No…not in the Legendary Chronicles of Chief Laughing Cloud anyway…

Leading a Legendary Life is a decision you make about a way you are going to BE. How you are going to BE about whatever it is that is going on. How you will move through the world, your approach to living.  Choosing what is honoring and vital, and releasing what is limiting and ordinary. And by ordinary, I do not mean simple or common. I mean what is ordinary for you: that which does not cause you to grow, change, and be challenged or transformed.

Being legendary is not a destination or a goal to be reached. It is not about being famous or respected. It is not about what others think about who you are.  But about what YOU think about WHO YOU ARE.

Being legendary is a headset. A heart set. A set of creative disciplines. It is a journey towards being a self that for you: is JOY! is THRILLING! Being Legendary is being is a self you WANT to wake up to!

And being legendary starts with a decision to design one’s self and one’s life.

Choosing to live a legendary life means giving yourself permission to be amazing. And you define what ‘amazing’ is for yourselves. It is not the “what” of living, but the “how.”  Choosing to be legendary is more than an attitude and more than a way of being. When you choose to be legendary you have decided that you are defining the context in which your life will be lived and experienced.

Do you want vitality?  Self expression?  Do you want to feel your life is on purpose?  Do you want to live as an artist, with creativity as a central theme? Then consider what it would look like for you to transform your life into a legend!?

There is a sparkling destiny waiting for you to say YES!

Shiloh Sophia

Everyone has a story to tell.
A painting to paint.
A poem to write.
An adventure to take.
A dream to unfold.
Everyone is leading a legendary life.

Loading...
X